Dear Martha,
Twenty-one. A number that feels both like a doorway and a compass. As you step through it, I want you to know how deeply proud I am — of your character, your curiosity, your grit, and the way you carry kindness like a light everywhere you go. Watching you grow through childhood, adolescence, and now the threshold of full adulthood has been one of the great privileges of my life.
You’re thoughtful without being timid, brave without being loud, grounded and yet beautifully open to the world. That combination — mindful and adventurous — is rare. Keep it. Guard it. Let it guide you.
On Navigating Your Early Adult & Late College Years
These years can feel like a whirlwind of deadlines, internships, friendships, opportunities, and “What comes next?” Here’s my best dad-map for the journey:
1) Choose depth over frenzy.
You don’t have to do everything. Aim to do a few meaningful things deeply: one passion project, one friendship you invest in, one habit that makes you stronger.
2) Learn the “triple balance”: energy, money, time.
- Energy: Protect your sleep. Move your body. Eat like you’re fueling a future CEO, scientist, artist—whatever you choose to be.
- Money: Spend with intention. Build a simple budget. Automate savings, however small. Learn to say “Not now” as confidently as “Yes.”
- Time: Put your top three priorities on the calendar first. Everything else is optional.
3) Be ambitiously curious.
Take courses that challenge you. Ask professors questions after class. Seek mentors. Start something small that could become something meaningful—a study group, a blog, a club initiative, a research idea.
4) Practice courageous communication.
Say what you mean with kindness. Ask for feedback. Negotiate respectfully. Name your boundaries without apology. The world respects people who speak clearly and listen well.
5) Build a “personal board.”
Surround yourself with friends who are honest, mentors who are wise, and peers who will celebrate your wins and tell you when you’re drifting.
6) Fail forward, fast and kind.
If something doesn’t work, reflect, reset, and try again. Failure is tuition for mastery.
7) Keep your inner compass calibrated.
Journal. Pray or meditate. Walk without headphones sometimes. Check in with your values: Is this aligned with who I’m becoming?
8) Protect your digital and emotional well-being.
Not every opinion deserves a response; not every moment needs a post. Curate your feeds like you curate your friends.
9) Give back early.
Volunteer, tutor, mentor someone younger. Generosity multiplies your purpose.
10) Leave room for joy.
Read for fun. Travel when you can. Celebrate little milestones. Laugh often—especially at home.
What I Wish for You
I wish you clarity — to recognize opportunities that match your values.
I wish you strength — to do the hard, right thing when it’s tempting to do the easy one.
I wish you community — people who see you, stretch you, and stand with you.
I wish you wonder — that you never stop being amazed by the world, and by your own capacity to shape it for good.
I wish you peace — in the in-between times when outcomes are still forming.
And I wish you love — the steady, everyday kind that shows up, listens, and stays.
A Promise from Dad
As life expands — career choices, new cities, new circles — know this: my love for you is a constant. It won’t fade when you’re busy. It won’t shrink when you stumble. It won’t waver when you take big swings. It’s here — in the cheering, in the quiet check-ins, in the “call me anytime,” and in the pride that fills every room I enter with you.
Happy 21st birthday, Martha. Keep learning. Keep leading with heart. Keep being beautifully, bravely you.
Always,
Dad